My dad has cancer…what should I tell him or what should i say to him?
I need some advice. Today my sister told me that my dad has a prostate cancer and he will be going for surgery within 3 weeks. I havent spoke to my dad since she told me..i just dont know what to tell him and what to say. I have never been in this situation before i have never lost anyone and nobody close to me has ever gotten sick..sorry if question is long but what do you think i should say to him?
I am so sorry you (and your family, especially your dad) are going through this.
First of all, you have to realize that cancer is NOT the death sentence that it once was. There are many effective treatments including surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. You need to digest this information first and not jump to the worst case scenario; your dad's cancer might be in a very early and treatable stage.
A lot depends on how close you and your dad are. Both geographically and emotionally. Do you live in the same town? Do the two of you usually have problems communicating?
I have lost several family members to various illnesses. First my dad when I was very young. Then, my brother , my sister and my mom. The best advice I can give you is to just go see your dad…(it's Father's Day tomorrow, after all). If you can't go see him, call him. If you find it difficult to call or see him right now, just write him a letter. Not an email…a real letter. Just spill out your heart to him (not sentencing him to die). That is the most important thing in a family when experiencing this type of situation……honesty, trust and knowing that the person will be there through whatever is to come.
If you call or visit, start out by just saying, "dad, _______ told me about the cancer. I just want you to know, I love you and I'm ready to be here to help you in whatever way I can." BE HONEST. Tell him you are scared ….he's your dad, he will know it anyway. Tell him you don't know how to act or what to say. Let him take the lead.
I can tell you from experience, keeping it quiet and NOT talking about it is the worst thing you can do….unless he doesn't want to talk about it. He, too, may need to come to grips with the situation. But give him the choice. Let him know you will always be his little girl but you are ready to grow up and be strong for him…..to talk to, to watch tv with, to play Monopoly with… cook for him, clean for him…whatever he needs.
All he really needs to know is that you love him. Human instinct is to be scared, it is nothing to be ashamed of or try to hide from him.
In losing my loved ones, I have few regrets, because throughout their illnesses, each one of them knew I was there for them and I loved them. It was hard to talk about "the tough stuff" but if you don't, you will regret it.
Best of luck. You will all be in my prayers.
i know exactly how you feel. i found out a month ago that my father has lung cancer. then a few weeks later, i found out that it spread to his brain. i call him every day, and i just ask how he's feeling and how his treatment is going. i really don't know what to say to him. i'm so scared every time i call that someone is going to answer and tell me that something happened and he's in the hospital. or he passed away. i just wanted to let you know, if you ever need someone to talk to, you can talk to me, because i know sometimes i need someone to talk to. and other people just don't understand because they've never been in a situation like this.
you don't need to say much. just be there for him, especially on the day of the surgery, to show your support. don't let him see you cry or don't let him see that you're upset & worried about him. he needs support and strength now. no one wants to see other people pity them. treat him normally but let your gestures show that you care. if it's possible, go to your parents' house & be available to help your mom around the house. she needs support, too. to help yourself cope through these difficult times, you could join a support group. you could also talk to people who had the same experience as you did [see la dolce vita's answer to your question. :). ]
im sorry to hear about that, but wouldnt your dad already know first?
maybe sit him down by himself at a good time and say something like "look dad, we all love you very much and were going to support you through out this whole thing, im really sorry but you have prostate cancer"
i dont know, ive never been in this situation before either, good luck.
Just talk to him how you usually talk to him. He isn't dying. Let him know you love him and are thinking about him. If your mom and dad are still together, you might offer to be at the hospital with your mom while your dad is in surgery to give her moral support.
My dad has cancer too. im only 12… and dont worry ur not alone. Ok what i did was just treat him like normal when u c him, but be extra carefull, and when u c him after surgery, dont touch him (hug him or anything) unless he wants u to. I tryed… and i ended up herting him…
im sorry
good luck
Say "I'm sorry Dad. I hate this. I will do all that I can do to help you. I love you"
He knows you don't know what to say. He will understand
There really isn't much to say…cancer is a sad situation….I was just at a Relay for Life event last night….all you can do is encourage him that everything will be fine and that he can beat cancer
Talk to him, ask what stage cancer, just because you have cancer doesnt mean you are going to die.
Google Prostate cancer and find out what is going to take place.
just call him. i guess you aren't living with him? just call him and tell him you are there for him.